wala lang ulit to...

The "parang kayo, pero hindi" stage. Others call it
MU or mutual understanding. Pseudo-
relationships. Pseudo-boyfriends. Flings. Almost
like a relationship, but not quite. It is a phase
where the persons involved are more than friends,
but not quite lovers. Puwedeng may verbal
agreement, puwedeng wala. One or both of you
may have admitted your feelings, possible ding
hindi. You just let your gestures do the talking for
you. Walang pormal na ligawan na nangyari. Hindi
kayo mag-dyowa. Pero sa kilos niyo, sa mga
sinasabi niyo, parang kayo, pero hindi.

This kind of "relationship" can happen at different
stages for different reasons. It can happen after a
break-up. You still love each other, and you want
to be with each other but you broke up for a
reason. And for reasons that you alone know,
ayaw niyo na muna magkabalikan.

It can also happen before a relationship, iyong
pareho kayong nakikiramdam. Possible din na
ayaw niyo munang mag-seryoso kaya kunwa-
kunwarian lang muna. Testing lang.

Puwede ring hindi puwedeng maging kayo kasi
isa sa inyo --usually the guy --may ka-relasyon na.
Kaya habang hindi pa siya makikipag-break doon
sa girl (sabi niya makikipag-break siya soon pero
di naman niya ginagawa), wala muna kayong
relasyon para nga naman hindi siya nangagaliwa
kasi "hindi naman kayo."

This pseudo-relationship stage, for a time, can be
fun. Lalo na kung naghahanap ka lang naman
ng "kalaro."

Pero huwag ka lang mag-e-expect na may
patutunguhan kayo kasi wala talagang
kasiguraduhan.

So bakit ang daming nagse-settle sa ganitong set
up ganoong hindi naman sigurado kung may
patutunguhan?

Iba't ibang dahilan. Puwedeng for fun lang.
Puwedeng "buti na iyan kesa wala" or puwede na
iyang "pantawid-gutom." Meaning, habang wala
pa iyong the real thing, doon muna sa kunwa-
kunwarian.

For those who are not in a serious relationship,
they would think that pseudo-relationship is better
than no relationship at all. It would be fun, if all you
are after for is that "kilig" feeling.

Aminado naman ako na once upon a time, may
mga pseudo-relationships din ako. No
commitments involved. For the simplest reason
that they couldn't commit, because they were
either committed to someone else, or that they
weren't ready to commit.

My rationalization, "okay na iyun, kesa wala."

Ang habol ko lang naman, iyong kilig feeling.
Iyong merong nagtatanong kung kumusta araw
ko. Iyong merong ka-cuddle sa beach outing.
Iyong kapag tumunog ang cellphone, mapapangiti
na ako dahil alam kong galing sa kanya ang
message. Iyong merong laging kasama. Habang
wala pa ang the real thing, puwede na itong
pagtiyagaan.

But then I learned that although it was only a
pseudo-relationship, the emotions were real. And
usually, in this kind of set up, ang babae lagi ang
lugi.

Una, you can't ask him to commit. Since it's not
really a relationship, you can't demand
commitment from your partner. Ano ba kayo? May
K ka nga ba magpasundo ng hatinggabi? You will
always be uncertain about your role in his life. You
can't expect him to be always there with you. And
if you feel jealous of the other girls, you just have
to keep it to yourself. Ano ka ba niya para
magselos?

Pangalawa, what if you fall deeply in love with
him?
You can't be sure if he feels the same way. Baka
nag-a-assume ka lang na mahal ka rin niya. Even
if you are dying to tell him you love him, you can't.
Because you're not sure if he'll like it. Baka
mapahiya ka lang. This stage will always make
you wonder where you are in the relationship. Or if
there is a
relationship at all.

Pangatlo, what if you become attached too much?
What if you have invested all your emotions and
this man hasn't? What if you remain faithful to him,
not entertaining other guys, only to find out that he
is seeing other girls?

Isa pang downside ng pseudo-relationships, it is
fleeting. When a disagreement sets in, or when
one of you gets cold, then that would be the end of
it. Unlike in a serious relationship, hindi mo alam
kung saan ka
lulugar sa isang pseudo-relationship. Wala kng
pinanghahawakan. Kasi sa pseudo-relationship,
there is no "us." Meron lang "you and me,"
hindi "us."

Buti sana kung pseudo-pain din lang ang
mararanasan mo. Kaso, hindi eh. Real pain. And
usually, kahit tapos na ang pseudo-relationship,
hindi mo maiwasan umasang one day, may
karugtong pa rin iyun. And you will be miserable,
hoping to bring back what you used to have, only
to find out eventually that the guy is in another
pseudo-relationship with somebody else.

Ang hirap, ano? You agreed to this kind of set up
for fun and then you'd end up hurting yourself in the
process.

Pero puwede naman maiwasan ang pain eh.
Puwede naman na hindi mo muna isipin ang
future and just enjoy the feeling, without thinking of
the consequences.

But if you are certain that you are going to hurt
yourself in the process, kailangan mo mamili. You
can be happy and live the moment without
worrying what would happen next. Or you can stop
settling with pseudo-relationships and wait for the
real thing.

When I was younger and in a pseudo-relationship
with an unavailable guy! , a friend told me, "Sige,
kung ayaw mong magpapigil, bahala ka.
Magpakasaya ka. Pero huwag kang iiyak-iyak
pagkatapos, dahil tatadyakan kita."

Ang bottom line lang naman, kung magpapasaya
sa iyo, gawin mo. Ihanda mo lang ang sarili mo sa
consequence. Dahil ang "parang kayo pero hindi"
stage ay bihirang nagiging totoo. Usually,
hanggang doon lang siya.
almost, but not quite.

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Nakuha ko lang to sa email pero nabura ko..
nakita ko lang ulit sya sa recyclebin at binasa ko lang ulit.
linagay ko lang dito dahil baka magkaron ako ng idea magsulat about this in the future.